I still feel our connection.

“He broke my heart, before he could even realize that I was just part of a vendetta I didn't deserve. He seemed so gentle, caring, vulnerable, lost, just like me. He seemed so directionless since the tragedy that took them, that I came to think that one could be the support of the other, the safe haven that would prevent us from getting lost inside ourselves. It was always me, who he looked for when his heart was torn apart by memories, and I also looked for him when Hannah's lack was intense in my heart. Only he understood me, and vice versa. Only his kiss could ease the absurd pain I felt, after losing my best friend, because of a stupid joke, if you can call what they did to Hannah, a joke. I could see it in his glazed eyes, when he was on the verge of freaking out, and losing himself inside himself; in a wave of mixed feelings between pain and anger. And when I realized that he was about to fall into a crisis of delirium and unconsciousness, I would hug him and bring him back to our world. My hug soothed him, and I could always feel him breathing heavily, and slowly relaxing in my arms, as I fingered his brown hair, until this whole crisis was completely over, bringing back the guy I loved. He always said that as long as I was there, he wouldn't need the meds or Dr. Hill, and that made me feel important because I was considered his cure. He was my support, and I was his support. He had lost part of himself, just as I had. They were his sisters, and I know how much he loved them. After all, I loved Hannah and Beth too, we were friends. And having him by my side in those painful moments was my relief, my safety, my escape; and when he looked into my eyes, those irises so green and full of sweetness, I could just forget absolutely everything, and sink into that look so warm. It may be naive of me to say this, but it was as if we had been shaped for each other by the skillful hands of fate. And when he held me in painful sobs, and warmed me in his tight embrace, that unique, comforting embrace that no one else could ever do like, I felt as if there was indeed an extremely strong and incorruptible bond between us. That kind of connection that comes from other lives, and connects souls destined to stay together for eternity. And even after all he's done to us, all the lies, all that damn cat and mouse game where we were all his potential prey, I can still feel that there's a bond between Josh and me that I've never could be broken. I can still feel his body heat, on the coldest, loneliest nights, as if he was still lying next to me, making us one. The taste of his lips, immortalized on mine, as well as the warmth of his embrace, and his scent that lie kept and alive in my memory. I'm still able to love him, even after everything, even after losing him forever, in that cursed place. I am capable of loving him with such an absurd intensity that I feel capable of losing my reason. I am able to continue loving him day after day, even though I am fully aware that he is no longer here. And I am absolutely sure that I will continue to love him for the rest of my life, because there is still a part of him living in me. ”