Hiraeth
LittleMadHiraeth
LittleMadHiraeth
HIRAETH: a homesickness for a home you can't return to, or that never was. When you hit rock bottom, it's hard to believe that things could get even worse. You think you're safe because you're alone, because you don't have anyone else around who could get hurt because of you. That nothing, no one, nowhere will matter, ever again. You just keep going, without any real motivation. It just exists, waiting for the inevitable to happen and it's all over. I can't deny that lately I've been helping a lot so that my point is finally made. But whenever he gets close, it's like a drug to me. I feel the fear burn my skin, the desperation of wanting to run to avoid feeling the impending pain, flee and return to my empty and meaningless life. I provoke, stir up death and ask it to come my way. I want the end. But at the same time I can't help but feel the delicious feeling of surviving, feeding my ego that likes so much to know that it's better than life and death. I think this is what they call insanity. It would be great if only I felt it, that it was a personal thing. But different people can have the same insanities, they can play this game together. And of all the hate I'd ever felt in my life, nothing could compare to the fact that I knew He was with me in this.
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. Sentado ao pé do fogo eu penso em tudo o que já vi, flores do prado e borboletas, verões que já...
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